What is adab with a shaykh?

Tariqa entails adab, meaning respect: respect for the Word of Allah and following it in every aspect of life, respect for Allah's Messenger ﷺ and following him in every deed, respect for the Companions and the ones who followed in their footsteps. In Tasawwuf the word adab has a broader meaning, which encompasses all the aspects of the life of the seeker. This is true in all aspects, but for the disciple adab is crucial.

A true shaykh is an emissary, connecting one to the Prophet ﷺ and ensuring that the seeker follows the Prophet ﷺ in every aspect of his life. The seeker would benefit from the shaykh only if he has the respect for the shaykh, because it is a connection between hearts and the knowledge is absorbed by the soul, the ruh. If the seeker's heart is doubtful, then the benefit and the flow of the knowledge can be restricted.

It is narrated that while the Prophet ﷺ was delivering the Friday sermon, a man came and stood at the doorway of the Masjid, and when the Prophet ﷺ told him to sit down, he immediately complied and sat on the spot. Of course the Beloved Prophet ﷺ intended him to come inside and listen, but the Companion out of love and respect obeyed the words. The respect and obedience of that order is of utmost importance for anyone who hopes to benefit spiritually from a true shaykh.

It is respect which initiates the seeker and takes him to know the Divine, and it initiates the connection which bears the fruit on the path of Tasawwuf. A common saying in Persian is "Ba adab ba naseeb, bay adab bay naseeb", meaning the one who is respectful is blessed and the disrespectful is condemned.

Love for one's shaykh is also part of adab, as in the hadith narrated by Abu Musa may Allah be pleased with him, who stated, "Allah's Prophet ﷺ said to me, 'If only you had seen me this morning as I listened to your recitation of the Qur'an! Surely, you have been granted a musical instrument from among the musical instruments of the family of Dawood!' and I said, 'By Allah! Had I known that you were listening to my recitation, I would have adorned it!'" [Musnad Abi Ya'la, as quoted in Fath al-Bari 9/114] The hadith clearly indicates the approval to love the shaykh for the sake of Allah.

To seek the pleasure of the shaykh is like seeking the pleasure of the Almighty, the reason being that the shaykh's pleasure is actually a means to the pleasure of Allah. The mission of the shaykh is to connect the seeker to Allah, and the intention of a true shaykh is that the seeker follows the Beloved Prophet ﷺ and achieves the pleasure, Rida, of Allah. The relevant maxim here is that effort expended along the way is effort expended towards achieving the objective.

Both halves of this, the need for a teacher and the cost of disrespecting one, were put together by Junayd al-Baghdadi rahimahullah, who said, "The one who treads this path without a true teacher will only mislead himself and others. Whosoever disrespects the spiritual Shaykh, Allah will make him detestable amongst people." The reverse holds as well: the seekers who stay connected with the shaykh and listen to his advice, even if they lack capacity, would reach the station of Divine Love.

Respect and honour for the shaykh and his family is important to achieve success on the path of spirituality. The following are some of the basics that the seeker should abide by in regard to etiquettes with his shaykh, and seekers should also try to read the book Adab al-Mardiyya, written by Shaykh Muhammad al-Buzaydi rahimahullah.

Respect, and honour in his absence

• Show the shaykh the respect and politeness due to him as a teacher and guide, and stay loyal and honour him even in his absence. It is ill-bred for disciples to discuss another shaykh of the path of Tasawwuf in front of their shaykh, and if someone talks ill of one's shaykh, the disciple must rebut him.
• Honour the teachers and the family of the shaykh.
• Honour and respect the shaykh's wife as one's mother, as per Qur'an, "His wives are their mothers".
• If by the will of Allah a seeker reaches the same status as that of his shaykh, he must still honour his shaykh, as it was due to his shaykh's blessings that the seeker reached that status.

Listening, and acting on what he says

• Listen carefully and carry out his instructions to the best of one's capability. The seeker should consult his shaykh about major life decisions such as marriage, travel and profession, and should follow the shaykh's advice in worldly and spiritual matters; if the shaykh's advice is against the seeker's wish, one should still follow it and trust the wisdom of his shaykh, and must not question the shaykh about the positive or the negative aspects of the advice or present his own opinion to him. The blessings of the true shaykh would emanate for the seeker, and Allah would still bless the seeker for his intentions. The seeker must acknowledge every word of his shaykh as true, and if he is unable to comprehend the meanings, then he must consider it as his own flaw.
• Conduct oneself at one's best in the presence of the shaykh. A dissident seeker has broken something that has to be repaired: Abu Ali Daqaq rahimahullah said, "If the seeker is dissident, the pledge is broken, therefore, he must renew his pledge with the Shaykh."
• Just as it is inappropriate to associate other than one's own father, it is inappropriate to associate with anyone other than one's own shaykh, and the seeker must believe that the shaykh is the source of blessing from Allah. Shaykh Abdul Qadir Gilani rahimahullah said, "The one who does not believe in his Shaykh will never succeed". The seeker must appreciate the spirituality of the shaykh and not be concerned about the physical aspects, and shall not depend on the spirituality of his forefathers, as it is not inherited and has to be earned through constant desire and effort.

Attending him, and conduct in his company

• Attend the gatherings of the shaykh with true integrity, and for seekers living in the same city attending regularly is incumbent. Hazrat Shaykh Yousuf Aja'mi rahimahullah said, "The seeker who missed his Shaykh's gathering without a valid excuse shall condemn himself in front of his brothers in oath." A seeker living in another city or country must still make the effort to visit when he can, and must listen to recordings of the shaykh's lectures where distance prevents attendance, and quite often a sincere disciple may find answers to his questions without planning. Those blessed to be in the close proximity of their shaykh must not consider themselves superior: Suhaib Roomi may Allah be pleased with him and Salman Farsi may Allah be pleased with him came from far off lands and were blessed, whereas Abu Jahal and Abu Lahab, even being close to the Prophet ﷺ, were profane.
• Be attentive towards the shaykh, neither indulging in conversation with others nor occupying oneself with any other matter during attendance with him, and refrain from talking in his presence, because even if the shaykh is quiet the seeker's heart still benefits from him. The seeker must not perform dhikr or optional prayers around his shaykh without his prior permission. The time spent in the shaykh's company is to observe him and to follow him in all matters, in dress and in ibadah.
• Make a prior appointment to visit, and if for any reason the seeker is unable to make it to his appointed time, inform the shaykh and do not keep him waiting. The seeker must leave as and when the shaykh indicates so, and at times the shaykh may not say it verbally, so the seeker must understand that the shaykh has other commitments and beg leave once his intended discussion is finished. During a visit the seeker must ensure that he does not extend it to an unreasonable time.
• Be concise while reporting spiritual matters, remembering that the shaykh has traversed the path of Tasawwuf already and fully understands them.

Not measuring yourself against him, and taking his manner as it is meant

• Never be jealous or apprehensive of a brother in pledge, otherwise the seeker would lose his way. Shaykh Abdur Rahman rahimahullah said, "The one who finds himself resentful towards his Shaykh or his brothers in oath, must know that Allah resents him."
• Even if the shaykh looks pleased, the seeker must not cross his limits, and must remain obedient and know that he is being assessed.
• Never consider the obligation fulfilled, even if utterly devoted and spending thousands, otherwise the seeker will lose his path.
• Do not begrudge the shaykh. Even if the shaykh seems indignant, the seeker must know that the Mashaikh do not avert a Muslim for a moment, and that the shaykh is a guide who does everything in the seeker's best interest. If the shaykh is angry, the seeker should apologise, even if he is unaware of his wrongdoing.
• Do not consider one's own apparent ibadah better than the shaykh's ibadah. One day of the shaykh's ibadah is better than a thousand days of the seeker's own, and the shaykh's sleep is to be considered superior to the seeker's ibadah.
• What the seeker sees in his shaykh may be his own face. Hazrat Ali bin Wa'fa rahimahullah once said that the shaykh is like a mirror to the seeker. Once a seeker said to Hazrat Bayazid al-Bustami rahimahullah, "My teacher! Last night in my dream, I saw your face as a pig." Hazrat replied, "Son! I am your mirror. Once you purify your inner self from all the characteristics of a pig and look at me, you will see your own true face."
• Neither manner the shaykh shows is to be read at face value. Syed Ali bin Wa'fa rahimahullah said, "Beware if the Shaykh is gracious and be glad if the Shaykh is harsh". When the shaykh is gracious it can still be a trial, and when the shaykh is harsh it is for the best interest of the seeker.
• The seeker shall not expect his shaykh to come to him. Once a disciple of Syed Ali rahimahullah assumed that his shaykh should visit him to acknowledge his arrival from Hajj, and as his wish was not granted he begrudged his shaykh and therefore lost his spirituality.

His friends, his gifts, and what is carried outside his company

• Do not discuss one's spiritual matters with anyone except one's own shaykh.
• If the shaykh awards something, a cap, a gown, shoes or a siwak, the seeker must not use that for commercial purposes, as these gifts have the blessings from the shaykh.
• Whom the shaykh keeps is whom the seeker keeps. Syed Ali Khawas rahimahullah said, "One must consider his Shaykh's friends as his friends and his Shaykh's enemies as his own enemies, otherwise Satan would overcome him."
• Connect the heart towards the shaykh and associate any spirituality towards him, and even if the blessings were received from another shaykh, associate those towards one's own shaykh, otherwise it will be a grave mistake. If the shaykh ordains the seeker to withhold from the company of a particular scholar, the seeker must cease, otherwise he will be at a loss, and he must not visit any other scholar, even a friend of his shaykh, without the prior permission of his shaykh, as it can cause distraction. If the shaykh does not respond to a visiting shaykh, then the seeker must not respond either, as it would be harmful for the seeker.

Praying for the shaykh

• Pray for the shaykh, for his well-being, health and Iman, because the shaykh has the appointment from Allah and his reward is due from Allah, and as a seeker one cannot repay the effort and time the shaykh spends in his training. Pray also for all the Mashaikh of the Silsila, that Allah raise their spiritual degrees. [al-Buzaydi, The Adab of the True Seeker]